Parenting Troubled Teen Boys

Are you parenting a troubled teenage boy? Adolescence in our culture is a time of enormous emotional as well as physical changes. Although each child is an individual and grows and develops in his or her own unique way, there are some predictable stages. When parents know what to expect, they can provide better help and support as their child moves through this often emotionally tumultuous time..

Many teenage boys experience stress as they adjust to the new adolescent peer group experience. The ease of childhood relationships is replaced by anxiety about how to �fit in.� There is constant tension around �being left out� or �not being good enough.� Predictable and recurring problems include: handling new situations and temptations; meeting the need for constant communication with peers; learning how to deal with new feelings in this new set of relationships; competition around status and possessions; and the need for money to fund this new lifestyle. In addition, there is the continuing pressure of schoolwork, conflicts with family, and the somewhat abstract challenge of preparing for an uncertain future.

Most teenage boys struggle with a shaky sense of their new identity. They have not had the time and experience to sort out their own identity from the teenager stereotype they have been impersonating. Cultural stereotypes of the “ideal male” can be especially compelling and damaging. This can make for dating problems, as teens struggle with questions like: “How can I withstand the pressures of a relationship if I am unsure about myself?” or “How can I handle the danger of losing myself in a relationship?” Teens need to discover who they really are and to gain confidence in asserting themselves to be able to sustain a relationship with another person.

Another problem among teenage boys is how to handle their moods, sexual urges, and feelings. Some adolescents try to cope by using alcohol, drugs or food to reduce or numb their feelings. Others happen on equally destructive methods for distraction, like rigid control of eating, bodybuilding, cutting, or retreating into lethargy. More constructive strategies can be an intense involvement with a sport, overemphasis on school and grades, or a single-minded pursuit of a goal.

Parents can play a key role by continuing to love their teenage boys no matter what happens, by being realistic relationship �veterans� who have learned some things along the way, by comforting them when they are hurting, by supporting the positive, by setting limits which may be fought against and yet appreciated, by encouraging their children to continue to pursue new experiences and relationships even though they may be painful, by espousing values which will sooner or later become their children�s values, by not preaching or using their own experience as a �good� or �bad� example, and by reminding their child of the bigger picture, including preparing and supporting them as they attempt to move to the next stage of life � young adulthood.

Other adults � aunts and uncles, parents of friends, teachers, coaches, employers� also can be very important supports. These relationships, being less complex than parent relationships, can give examples of other relationship possibilities, contribute to a a teenage boys confidence about being able to function and be appreciated �out in the world,� and provide a helping hand as he moves toward young adulthood.

Programs that Can Help Troubled Teen Boys

Programs that help treat troubled teen boys include boarding schools, residential treatment centers, wilderness programs, and boot camps. Many different types of programs have proven successful in helping troubled teenage boys sort out some of the difficulty they may be having adjusting to being a teenager and learing to find out who it is that they really are. By stepping out of the pressures of "normal" life, residential treatment gives teenage boys a chance to look at their life more objectively and decide what it is that they really want, and figure out what is truly important in their lives. Treatment may also help give teenage boys a new perspective on their parents involvement and advice in their lives.